DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON: A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE 
                                    by Texas Bix Bender
     
     * Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
     * There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 
     * Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is   
       probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
     * If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try        
        orderin' somebody else's dog around.
     * Never ask a man the size of his spread.
     * After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started 
       roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The   
       moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
     * If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop         
       diggin'. 
     * Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
     * It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 
     * Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
     * Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from    
       bad judgment.
     * Always drink upstream from the herd. 
     * Never drop your gun to hug a    grizzly.
     * If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and   
       then to make sure it's still there.
     * When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't   
       be surprised if they learn their lesson.
     * When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown  
       around by somebody else.
     * Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it     
       back.
     * Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so     
       important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was. 
     * The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it  
       back in your pocket.
     * Never miss a good chance to shut up.